Divorce, Mediation, and Collaborative Law Blog

It’s All About the Kids

April 4, 2013 By martymurphy Leave a Comment

I was cleaning up “that pile” on my desk this morning. You know ”that pile”- old notes from conferences, industry magazines with articles you meant to get to, old “to do” lists. Anyhow, I found an Ask Amy column from December of 2011 that I had cut out of the paper.

The column addresses the letter of a teenage girl who was sad, anxious and worried about all the fighting her parents were doing. She was seeking advice on what she should do.

Amy responds by saying that conflict isn’t necessarily a bad thing if it leads to a resolution. She also suggested the young girl approach her parents at a quieter moment and share her feelings of anxiousness and sadness.

I wonder how it turned out for that young woman and her family.

As a collaborative attorney and mediator, I often get to witness the interplay of a couple in conflict and the children of the marriage. When an emphasis is placed on protecting the children, as it is in mediation and collaborative practice, the new reconstituted family often benefits.

Despite the many disagreements my clients have, they almost all indicate a high level of desire to minimize the impact on the children of the marriage. That common goal often serves as the linchpin to build the rest of a sustained agreement.

When there are disagreements as to how best achieve that joint goal, there are a tremendous variety of resources available to families including child specialists, therapists and parenting classes. When those resources are properly marshaled for a family, they can provide a structure and support system to help the children of divorce for many years to come.

While I will most likely never find out how the family in the column made out, I do know that my clients that have made the process choice of mediation or collaborative law have a much better chance of helping their children move through the divorce more successfully.

Martin Murphy, Esq. is a collaborative attorney and seasoned mediator. He is dedicated to using the principles and benefits of mediation and collaborative law in the general representation of businesses, their owners and in helping families facing divorce, child custody and other family law issues. The Law Office of Martin Murphy, LLC located in Norwood MA, serves clients in the surrounding communities including Attleboro, Canton, Foxboro, Franklin, Mansfield, Medfield, Medway, Millis, Norfolk, North Attleboro, Plainville, Sharon, Walpole, Westwood, and Wrentham., Marty can be reached at marty@martinmurphyatlaw.com

Filed Under Massachusetts Mediation Tagged With collaborative law, custody, divorce, mediation

A New Pope and an Old Prayer

March 15, 2013 By martymurphy Leave a Comment

I had the opportunity this week to attend a presentation by Dan Finn, a gifted Collaborative Attorney. Dan spoke on the topic of “Understanding Impasse: Preventions and Interventions.” A theme of the presentation was that in order to separate effectively, couples or parties to a dispute really need to become connected.

While that concept may seem odd, without some connection on some level, people who are in dispute will find it impossible to work out an agreement. Mediators and Collaborative Attorneys assist their clients in staying “connected with the other party” to assist them in reaching an agreement that is in their best interests. Talented Mediators and Collaborative Attorneys have many tools in their toolkits that can assist their clients even in cases where there is a very high level of disconnect with the other party.

My thanks to Dan for a great presentation.

On another note, Catholics around the world celebrated this week as they learned of their new pope. I thought that his choice of name, Francis, was significant. The prayer of St. Francis, which is attributed to St. Francis of Assisi from the 13th century, even with the religious portions removed, provides an inspiration for those seeking resolution.

. . . make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
. . . ,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned…

If we could implement even a portion of this prayer as we approach conflict, I think that we would find enough connection with the other party to resolve the dispute in a way that is beneficial to all.

Filed Under Uncategorized Tagged With collaborative law, divorce, mediation, pope, prayer of st. francis

Oscar Time – Are you a Winner or a Loser?

February 28, 2013 By martymurphy Leave a Comment

Over the past few months, this theme has been going through my mind. Obama won the election but gets to head back to Washington to deal with a deadlocked Congress. The Patriots made it to the AFC championship only to watch the Ravens roll to the Superbowl. Recently, various actors, actresses and other Hollywood types have jumped, walked and tripped on their way up to the stage to collect awards that must have seemed just beyond the grasp of those nominees still sitting in the audience.

Winning and losing. It happens everyday. Only with time however does one truly understand the success or failure of their quest. Like countless financially broke lottery winners, many find there are ultimate costs associated with the attempt to win. In time, many losers gain the perspective that what they sought wasn’t really worth the cost.

Those experiences often ring true when it comes to a family going through a divorce. Our legal system is still dominated by the framework of winning and losing. That framework can be devastating to a family going through transition. Even in a situation where a wrong has been done, the ultimate cost of “winning” often leaves the victor feeling like they have lost.

Options to the standard approach are available. Mediation and Collaborative Law provide clients with the opportunity to resolve their dispute while maximizing their opportunity to reach as many of their positive goals as possible.

Divorce is unlike running for public office, playing in a championship game, or waiting to be called on stage for an award. Most people don’t grow up looking forward to the opportunity to go through a divorce. Why not choose a process that will be more likely to provide you with a long-term sense of success?