I have written in my blog about a conference I attended led by Kenneth Cloke, an experienced mediator and gifted speaker from California.  A comment he made during the conference last summer has stuck with me and unfortunately has risen to the “top of mind” for me recently.

During part of his presentation he was focusing on the use of particular types of speech in negotiations.  As mediators and Collaborative Attorneys we are trained to help our clients identify the root cause of an issue.  His definition of the “smallest piece of evil” really struck me.

“The inability to find the other in the self”

The recent shootings in Boston’s Mattapan neighborhood, the verdict in the awful home invasion case in Cheshire Connecticut, the rash of teenage bullying cases.  All of these caused me to reflect back on that definition of the smallest piece of evil.  At some level the perpetrators of these acts lost the ability to see their intended victims in themselves.

While these cases approach the extreme and thankfully are statistically rare, everyday we share a train ride, eat a meal, or work next to someone who has lost, at some level, the ability to see the other in the self.  Perhaps that someone is our self.

As a mediator and Collaborative Attorney, asking someone to consider an issue from another’s perspective can be an invaluable tool.  Often this perspective may enable a party to see options that they were not able to consider when holding on tightly to their mindset.

I’ll never forget the time my dad came home from a conference with a fifth grade teacher of mine.  He had fallen in love with a poem she had posted in her classroom.  It dealt with understanding where someone was coming from by “walking a mile in their moccasins”.  Throughout his life he used that phrase whenever he thought someone he loved was failing to truly understand another person in their life.

While we might not be able to stop some of the senseless violence in our world by focusing on finding “the other in the self,” we can clearly make our community a much better place.  If each of us in our everyday life makes the effort to “walk a mile in their moccasins,” those around us will be much better off.

As I sat down to write a blog entry this morning, this month’s issue of the Massachusetts Lawyers Journal landed on my desk.  Center of the front page is an article entitled, “State Budget Cuts Leave Courts Few Options  – Plans for consolidation, relocation raise concern”.

Overworked and understaffed courts have been more common in the last few years.  As the article states “The courts have lost more than 700 employees since October 2008.”  I was at a meeting of attorneys recently where another attorney related her client’s frustration as they sat in court together for several hours waiting for their case to be called.

There are countless hard working, diligent judges, clerks and staff members working in the courts throughout Massachusetts.  With the Trial Court facing another significant cut in the current year’s budget, there is only so much that can be done.

The realities of the challenges facing the court system provide another reason for clients to consider alternatives.  The time saving benefits of ADR are enhanced by the current financial situation in the Trial Court system.

Mediation and Collaborative Law can help parties find mutually satisfactory binding agreements crafted in a confidential, cost effective and convenient manner.  To find out how these processes might benefit your family, contact our office today.

I recently attended a training put on by the Massachusetts Collaborative Law Council. The program was led by Kenneth Cloke, an experienced and gifted mediator from California. One of the themes he discussed was is how love is often at the very core of what we feel.

He used the example of a parent who sees a young child who is almost injured after he or she runs out into traffic. The immediate response is one of shock, then one of anger. However, if you peel the onion back a little further you realize that the anger is really caused by fear. Fear of loss or injury of a loved one.

If you peel a little further, the fear is a result of love. Love is at the core. The love of a parent is the spark that ignites the fear. It seems that often in life we can get stuck at the different response levels that the parent who watches a child run out into the street can feel. We can get stuck at anger or fear.

Mediators are trained to assist parties to better understand the underlying causes of their needs which can often help them move through a transition in a manner that keeps them from getting stuck.

Mediation and Collaborative Law can help parties find mutually satisfactory binding agreements crafted in a confidential, cost effective and convenient manner. To find out how these processes might benefit your family, contact our office today.

Like most people I often get buried with the magazines, emails and books that come across my desk everyday. I try to skim as many as I can to see if they warrant a more in depth read later on. Every now and then something jumps out and sticks with me.

I was reading an article in the ABA Journal about Collaborative Practice. One of the attorneys quoted talked about her role becoming that of a problem solver rather than a weapon. Those few words resonated with me as I thought back to all of the practice groups I’d attended over the past several months.

Practice group meetings provide an opportunity for collaborative professionals to confidentially discuss cases and seek advice on the collaborative process. Virtually every professional I have met has moved their practice towards the collaborative model because of the weaponization of the legal system.

Data suggests that children are not negatively impacted by their parents getting a divorce, but from the animosity and stress that results from the adversarial process. Attorneys and other professionals that have committed to the collaborative process have decided they no longer want to be part of this collateral damage.

The collaborative model can reduce this collateral damage and help parties find mutually satisfactory binding agreements crafted in a confidential, cost effective and convenient manner. To find out how these processes might benefit your family, contact our office today.

I recently returned from a conference put on by the American Bar Association Dispute Resolution Division. The entire conference was dedicated to ADR and the current trends in mediation, collaborative law, and arbitration.

While there was a tremendous amount of material presented at the various sessions and seminars, one of my greatest “take aways” was from a presentation by Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., of the Stanford Forgiveness Project.

Dr. Luskin differentiated between forgiveness and reconciliation. One can forgive another for a wrong done and yet still decide that they do not want to associate with the offender in the future. In fact, the data that Dr. Luskin has collected over the years indicates that forgiveness of others is a critical element for a wronged party to be able to move on.

During one part of the presentation the attendees were asked to clear our minds and focus our thoughts on someone we truly adored. What a great feeling! Dr. Luskin then informed us that the physical sensation we just felt was almost physically identical to the sensation you feel when you forgive someone. We could all use more of that!

Forgiveness can be part of mutually satisfactory binding agreements crafted in a confidential, cost effective and convenient manner. To find out how these processes might benefit your family, contact our office today.

I recently had the opportunity to meet with an attorney from the southwest who related a story that really helps sharpen the focus on why mediation and collaborative law are often the best alternatives for families going through transition.

She had mediated a couple going through a divorce and the parties had reached resolution on all of the issues, except one. Despite the mediator’s efforts, the parties got stuck on the details of their parenting plan. So the parties and the mediator went back into the courtroom and presented both their agreements and their sticking point to the judge. While the judge commended them for their work, he looked at the couple and reminded them that if their son or daughter got seriously hurt on the soccer fields this afternoon, he was still going to go about his daily activities.

Refocussed on the fact that they were the best people to determine their futures, the parties met again with the mediator and developed a resolution that worked well for all involved.

Mutually satisfactory binding agreements crafted in a confidential, cost effective and convenient manner are the goal of mediation and collaborative law. To find out how these processes might benefit your family, contact our office today.